My World

The Emotions of Life
To be alive is to have emotions. It is part of our human heritage. The only way to avoid them is to deaden yourself to all outside stimuli. I personally don’t feel that is real living.
As the years drift by I become more and more enamored with my emotions and the feelings that I experience because of them. I think it started a when I was in my twenties. I was in a movie theater and the film I was watching was a serious love story. In the end when the guy and girl worked it out, I realized that tears were running down my face. Well, I knew that guys weren’t supposed to cry and I was terrified that people would see me when the lights came up. I tried to stop but the harder I tried the more I cried. The act of denying myself this simple reaction even gave me a head ach. After it happened a few more times I realized that if I just let it go then I wouldn’t get the head ach.
As time when on I realized that I had freed myself of the un-needed taboo. Of course then I would cry over many other things. In fact if I were affected deeply then I would cry. It was weird and some of my friends mentioned this to me. I no longer cared.
I saw people in the streets that didn’t know where their next meal was coming from and had no idea where they would spend the night. I felt a tremendous anger at the greed that made this a fact of life, and at the same time I felt joy in the act of helping. Joy is another emotion that I feel strongly, so of course the tears would begin to flow. By now it didn’t matter to me. I had found a way to live. It wasn’t the way that John Wayne would have lived, but it was my way.
I realized that what my father had taught me was correct. Life was about caring, trying to lend a hand, and trying to make the world a better place for all that live on it. Can I help was a question that I would ask ether openly or silently but as I began to understand what a person or a group of people wanted I found I could help on their terms. It became a joyous path for me. I got more and more involved in the community in which I lived.
Don’t misunderstand me; life was not all roses and moon beams. There were definitely times when I would fear a great many things. The time I confronted my draft board was terrifying. When I decided to take a freedom ride through the south there was a lot of fear involved, but in both cases I was committed. The more involved and the more committed I became, the fear would dissapate.  In both cases we won and that certainly helped.  But time and again I would find that I would be afraid of seemingly simple things. The first time I asked my wife out was scary and exciting. Our marriage and raising our children has left me with both fear and excitement. So many things about this experience have made me happy.
I have had my share of disappointments but all and all I was always able to find a way to make it alright end. See this whole thing is about a mindset. It has a lot to do with the fact that I some point I began living life one day at a time and then one hour at a time, and finally I realized that I could only live one moment at a time. The more I thought about it the more I realized that now is all any of us have. The better I got at it the less I felt disappointment, guilt, or envy.  Those emotions just weren’t worth the price we must pay. I am here and I am enjoying my life. I can hear what someone says and I can absorb it before answering.  I now know that most people act out of four basic actions. They are observation, feeling, needs, and requests. No I didn’t invent this list. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg came up with this list when he began teaching nonviolent communication.  At first I thought he was crazy, but the more I looked into my soul the more I realized that he was correct.
I am going to quote directly from him.
The NVC Process
The concrete actions we are observing that are affecting our well- being
How we feel in relation to what we are observing
The needs, values, desires, etc. that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives.
The moment that I realized that this was true for me and at the same time I realized that it was true for everyone else. That meant that I could deal with everyone without subjecting him or her to words or actions that would hurt. That also meant that I could analyze what was happening and respond in a manner that was appropriate for the situation I found myself in.
This wasn’t something I was able to master in a moment. In fact it took me years of practice so it began to be a part of me.
For me that was the final step in leaving a life of pain, anger, hate, fear, guilt, and envy.   It seems that the more I study Native American philosophies, Buddhism, and many eastern religions I find that this form of thought is there. The members of these religions many not always practice these ideas but if they want they can find them.
Peace, howie.